she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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