Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
