Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
