Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
