he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
