Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
