You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
