The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
