At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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