I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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