Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i permit you to call me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
