My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
