You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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