you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
