So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
