which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
