I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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