Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
