i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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