haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
