How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
