yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
