i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
