I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
