We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
