dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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