She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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