I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
