I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize
