just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just pee around me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
