I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i think i just lost a toe
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
