Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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