Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
