ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
