im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
