just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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