My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
