Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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