Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
