she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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