i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
