i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
