Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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