omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
