i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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