Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Girls should come with a carfax report
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
