Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
