So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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