Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
