can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
