Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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