I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
